Re-Sourcing in Connection

by Amina Knowlan | January 2008

These times are OUR times. Our visibility IS the source of our greatest strength. What we stand for, speak for, live for — this is the only legacy we will ever leave, the only thing, really, that gives our life meaning. To be silent now, to be invisible now, to cave in instead of calling out — that is to collude in this dark night, to turn our back to the veil that is waiting for us to lift it.

From every sacred text that was ever written in every tradition, we know that we are the light of the world, that with our thoughts and actions we create the world. Every story we tell, every poem we write, every song we sing, every picture we take can all be part of a grand and cohesive gesture to take back the light.

Forget about new years resolutions and getting thin and making more money. Just think about what you love, really love about being alive, about having a voice, having eyes and ears, and hands to touch what you love to touch — think about what lifts you up and makes you dance and causes tears of joy to roll down your cheeks, and commit yourself to that. Commit yourself to joy, and you will see that it brings you out, takes you to the doorstep of others, calls forth your words, your power, your wisdom. "The transformation of silence into language and action is an act of self-revelation." And as Ramana Maharshi said, "Your own self-revelation is the greatest service you can render the world."

Go ahead, be a voice that awakens the drowsy slumberers. There's good news to announce

And may your ride on this tremendous tide be full of joy and wild adventures in 2008.

From "The Museletter"
Jan Phillips, January 2008

AT THE BEGINNING OF EACH MATRIX TRAINING day we begin with some form of what we have come to call, "re-Sourcing." It is generally non-verbal, often movement-based or somatically focused. We are guided by music, drums, the simple resonance of breathing together or the sound of our own voices. Sometimes we end in prayer. Sometimes spontaneous high play emerges. It is a time to reconnect with the ground of our own being, with the Divine Source and to deepen into connection with others.

As the end of 2007 approached I found myself unusually unable to re-Source myself. My response to many challenging circumstances was to kick into a highly productive survival mode-probably a necessary first response. I noticed that I felt more and more burdened. As the year drew to a close, I often chose isolation over connection without really knowing I was doing so. I told myself I was doing fine, that I was riding these waves and doing surprisingly well. As the activity of the holidays slowed to an inevitable void, the first feelings to surface were ones wearing the cloak of being dis-couraged: dis-heartened that anything in my life or in the world would change; that any effort on my part could make a difference.

From that place in the womb of the void, some part of me knew that the road home was through connection. With a close friend, I began by just naming my sense of discouragement. I started by connecting with my own feelings and sharing them with her. From this place of compassion I could begin to reflect on the threat that I had been managing. The headlines spoke of the familiar territory of loss and abandonment. In the last months of the year, a very close friend and colleague of mine found himself facing a serious health challenge. His response was to immediately withdraw from anything stressful in his life and to restore the rhythms of his day to those actions that were nourishing and life giving. My response was to carry on carrying on-to shoulder survival; not let the boat sink.

On the high side, I knew there was a Matrix that would hold and carry on while he attended to his health. I found myself abiding, not in fear, but in the essence of our soul connection that was completely in tact. I found my rightful place to be one of residing in the light, holding him in the light of his health. Remembering the truth of a connection that simply is, even as the known forms were temporarily stripped away. On the earthly plane another reality was setting in like a fog descending over the mountain foothills that usually afford an expansive view. As I picked up more of the workload, I did less yoga, took fewer walks with my dog and took less time to go out to a movie with my kids or friends. My writing slumbered on the back seat of a stalled out bus. These are the things that typically re-Source me-that usually light me up.

I found myself staring into a clearer mirror of self-revelation. My tendency to fall back into burdened, single-mother (translation: solo/alone) survival strategies was an old skin that needed to shed a few more layers. Isolation breeds overwhelm and discouragement. If we were actually alone, perhaps none of us could make a difference. A lack of courage might become epidemic. A woman friend and Matrix colleague, who was in the midst of her own dark night of re-occurring illness, sent me her New Year's blueprint. She called it, "celebrations and determinations." She challenged herself and me to take note of the things we could celebrate in our lives from the year drawing to a close, and to clearly name the things we were determined to do or change in the year to come. She had been reading about how the Buddhists chant and pray over their determinations for the New Year. She defined determination as "a firm or fixed intention to achieve a desired end."

As I emerge into the New Year and back into connection with my friends and colleagues, I find myself both celebrating and determined. I celebrate the courage it took to keep returning to the truth of present connection. The determination it took to strip away karmic fields and cultural assumptions about the forms of intimate relationships. I celebrate the hard work of owning the shadow of unmet needs that was all too easily projected onto others. I celebrate the grace of arriving in the present moment, the essence of love that doesn't care about form or time. I celebrate the freedom to express my love and caring and the wisdom not to mistake the wine of essence for earthly relational form. I celebrate remembering myself as a part of the web of my incredible friends and Matrix community. I celebrate the outpouring of time and wisdom that is supporting the evolution of Matrix work in the world. I celebrate the gathering tribe of people from all over the world who are remembering how to live in the reality of connection.

I am determined to shed this skin of habits that have me relate to the blessing of my work in any moment as overwhelming or burdening. I determine that I will bring an attitude of joy or equanimity to each task I undertake. I will do only what I can align with as nourishing or satisfying. When I forget I will remember to re-Source in connection-with myself, with the Divine and with others. For me, connection is the essential path-the tide that restores the light. I invite you to consider your own celebrations and determinations. How have you re-Sourced or expressed yourself in connection? In connection, what are you determined to be or express or create in the coming year?

Blessings on OUR journey.

Go ahead, be a voice that awakens the drowsy slumberers. There's good news to announce.

And may your ride on this tremendous tide be full of joy and wild adventures in 2008.